


The Effects of Loss

by sulphuriccherry



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Cute, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Heart-to-Heart, Honesty, M/M, Nightmares, Realization, Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:02:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25541029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sulphuriccherry/pseuds/sulphuriccherry
Summary: Peter has a nightmare and calls his mentor, terrified of losing him again. After a heart to heart they come to a sort of realisation."You… you don't even realise how important you are to me, kid. I mean, if anyone else called me tonight, even if it was Rhodey, I would have ignored it. And yet here you are, on my sofa, at three in the morning, holding my fucking hand."
Relationships: Peter Parker/Tony Stark
Comments: 13
Kudos: 207





	The Effects of Loss

At exactly 1.57am. Tony's mobile started ringing loudly from his bedside table. He growled into the pillow as he vowed to dismember whoever it was that was messing with his sleeping pattern. Tony had been back from the dead now for only a month, so everything was still extremely new and sleeping was more important than anything.

Although it was hard on him, Pepper having moved on and more friends dead than he realised, life was really difficult. He was mourning for the life he had lost before, but he wasn't the only person who was miserable. Peter was having a hard time adjusting to all of this, and he had been around Tony like a lap dog. Every moment he had spare he was in the lab or by Tony's side, too scared to lose him again. It would have been annoying if it were anyone else, but after everything the two of them bad been through, he needed to see Peter alive and have him in his life.

The phone continued to ring. Tony stretched out his arm to pick it up and sat it by his head, sticking it on speaker.

"Hello?" He asked in a grumpy voice, barely opening his eyes.

"Mr. Stark?" Peter's quiet, scared voice came through the phone. Tony rubbed his eyes and slowly sat up, bringing the phone off of speaker and placing it to his ear.

"Kid, why are you calling? Do you know how late it is?" Tony sighed.

"Y… yes… I'm sorry… I just… I had to know that you were okay," it sounded like Peter had been sobbing. 

The older man spoke softly and in a calming tone, trying to soothe his mentee's anxieties. "Peter, I'm okay. I'm alive… don't worry."

"But," Peter burst into tears, "What if you die again? Mr. Stark, I had a dream you died," he sobbed hard, causing himself a panic. It was like his throat was closing up.

Tony furrowed his eyebrows, trying not to let the sound of his friend's breakdown cause him one too. "Dream's aren't real, it's okay. You and me? We're both okay,"

Peter was sobbing audibly, his breathing all over the place. "I can't lose you again! Mr. Stark, are you safe? Are you okay?"

The older man put his head in his hand, rubbing his forehead. "I'm safe. I promise. I'm okay. Are you safe?" 

Peter shuddered as he spoke, his voice cracking. "I don't know… I don't know anything anymore… god, Mr. Stark… I'm so scared."

"It's okay, calm down," Tony told him in a soothing voice. "Just focus on your breathing, in fact, breathe with me." He then began to count him in and out, helping the younger man calm down from the panic attack he was sending himself into. 

"You're going to be okay, tell me why you're scared."

"People die around me," Peter said as he cried softly, "I'm scared you're going to die again… I missed you so much."

The older man knew exactly how he felt, because those years where Peter was gone were the worst of his life. "I understand, kid." He sighed, looking sadly down at his covers as he pulled them over him. "I missed you too when you dusted."

"It hurts," Peter replied quietly, "When I'm not around you, my brain tells me that I made it up that you came back… like… like a dream that will go away any second."

"Oh, Peter," Tony sighed, "I promise you, I'm not going to leave again. How can I? I've got you to look after."

Peter laughed a little through his tears, "You don't have to,"

"I do as a matter of fact," Tony joked. "You're a danger to yourself and if I don't keep on your back, who knows what you're going to do?" 

"You're right, I'm lost without you." Peter smiled, through his sadness. "Do… do you… do you like me, Mr. Stark?"

Tony furrowed his eyebrows, his head looking over at his alarm clock. "Of course I like you, kid. I wouldn't be sitting here talking to you at two ten in the morning if I didn't."

Peter's voice wavered as he spoke, "Okay,"

"Peter, what's wrong? Why wouldn't you think that you're my friend?"

"I'm your friend?" Peter asked, hopefully and emotionally, like this was the most important thing he had ever heard in his entire life. 

"Yeah, kid. You're one of my best friends. You should really know that by now," Tony spoke sincerely. 

"I… I am? That's amazing… you're my best friend too…" Peter admitted, "I miss you so much."

Tony smiled tiredly, eyes flicking back to the clock. "I miss you too. Are you going to be able to sleep tonight?" 

"Uhhh… no, probably not." Peter answered honestly. "I figured I'd just watch TV or something, try and distract myself."

The older man licked his lips, he wasn't sure whether this was a good idea or a bad one, but Peter needed some sort of comfort, even if it was just seeing him and remembering he's alive. "Do you want to come over?" He found himself asking before he could finish the pro's and con's list.

"You mean it?" Peter's little voice came through.

Tony nodded, "Yeah, kid. Come on over, we can just talk and see if I can help you get through this. Friday will let you up," he explained as he turned on his bedside lamp. 

"I'd love to… uh, should I bring anything?" 

"Just bring Pjs and clothes for tomorrow, I've got food here." Tony yawned, "I'm gonna make some coffee, are you game?" 

"Sure. Uh… do you mind if I swing over?"

"Knock yourself out,"

  
\---

Literally seven minutes later, Peter was entering his penthouse with his Spiderman suit on and a bag on his back. His eye looked worried until they settled on Tony, who had gotten out of bed and made a nice fresh coffee for them both. 

"Hey, kiddo." Tony smiled, holding up a hot mug. "Come and get it,"

Peter smiled sweetly and walked over to him, putting his bag on the table and taking the coffee. "Thank you, Mr. Stark." He took a sip and shivered, getting used to the heat. 

"You're welcome." Tony watched the younger man as he took a sip of his drink, noticing how the younger man's skin was red from swinging. "Is it cold outside?" 

Peter nodded, "Very, it's kinda frosty. I nearly fell a few times," he peered up at Tony with an innocent expression. The older man could tell he was just happy to be there. 

"Don't hurt yourself on my account," Tony told him. "Come on, let's go sit down on the sofa."

The younger man nodded and grabbed his bag, following behind Tony to the other room slowly, sipping his drink. 

"You want to go get changed? I'll put the heating on, I'll be here." Tony turned to him, taking his mug. 

"Uh, sure. I'll be back… Mr. Stark, do you have a blanket I can cuddle under?"

"I have hundreds. It'll be here for when you come back," Tony settled the mugs on the coffee table before heading to his room to get some blankets as Peter skipped off to the bathroom to get changed. 

When he returned to the room, the atmosphere was a lot more calming. Tony had put on the fire, and the TV was playing old sitcoms at a low volume. Peter was wearing his old tartan pj bottoms and a baggy shirt, before he came out he had his Hello Kitty ones on, but he didn't want to wear them in front of Stark.

Tony had put some extra blankets and pillows on the sofa for him, and was literally just walking through to the room at the same time.

"I have a plate of cookies." He looked at the plate, unsure if they were good enough. "I don't know what you eat." Tony looked back up to Peter and shrugged.

Peter giggled and smiled, "They're perfect, thank you." He replied, taking the plate and walking over to the sofa. He got under the covers, and snuggled up with the plate on the table before him. 

The older man walked around the back of the sofa, sitting down at the other end and snuggling into one of the blankets. He watched the younger man for a moment as Peter leaned forward and picked up a cookie, eating it with a small smile.

"So," Tony sighed. "Tell me about this dream."

Peter froze, his smile fading as he finished his mouthful. He took some time to put down his mug and half a cookie before settling down into the comforting pillows and blankets. He scratched his jaw and looked up to Tony, taking a hasty breath in. 

He looked incredibly sad as he spoke, "Well… uh," Peter looked down at his feet under the cover. "Basically I came over here to see you… and then… everyone else was here… they were sad and waiting for me… and they told me you died in battle." He scrunched up his face as he tried to get the picture out of his head, his heart beating a little faster.

Tony let out a deep breath, pursing his lips and shaking his head. "Pete… how often do you get these kinds of dreams?" It hurt him to know that he was literally causing his friends insomnia and nightmares. All he wanted was to make things better. 

Peter shrugged again. "Like, three or four times a week." He confessed, eyes still burning into the blanket. "It's different every time… but a lot of them, we… we have a fight beforehand, and then… one of us says something mean." 

Peter looked like he was going to cry, so Tony stopped him there. "Peter, look at me."

He did as he was told, but his face was ridden with misery. Tony softened and reached out, touching his hand and squeezing it. "I'm not going anywhere," he said softly. "And I'm not going to go out of my way to say anything mean either."

Peter nodded, sniffling slightly. "It's… it's just so vivid… I always wake up crying. It feels like I lose you over and over again!" His eyes were wet as he flicked them up to Tony's eyes and then back down. 

The older man nodded. "I have nightmares about you too, you know." He admitted, making Peter look up at him in surprise. "I do. About the moment you dusted… it haunts me."

Peter looked up at him sadly and worried, looking from eye to eye. "I had no idea," he whispered. 

"Yeah well." Tony raised his eyebrows and leaned back against the sofa. "I don't tell people about my shit. I'm only telling you now because you deserve to know." He fake smiled for a second before dropping it, looking down to notice that his hand was still on Peter's. 

"I didn't think you cared that much about me." Peter spoke quietly, his eyes flicking down to their hands too. It was weird, he would have assumed that Tony's hand would have been gone by now. But it sat there nonetheless, large and warm, covering over the back of his. Peter could barely see his own hand.

"That's a stupid thing to say," Tony replied, using his other arm to lean on the back of rhe couch, facing him. "What the hell would make you think that?"

Peter shrugged, chewing on his bottom lip. "I don't know." He looked up at his mentor, catching his gaze. "I just assumed I wasn't good enough to be something in your eyes."

"That never stopped you trying." Tony smirked slowly, causing the younger man to smile back.

"Hey!" He exclaimed, "I just like you a lot, okay?! Sue me!" He grinned, leaning against the back of the sofa too. 

Tony chuckled and shook his head. "You're the only person I've ever known who's gone to such lengths to get me to notice them… well, you and that one girl who stalked me and I found her naked in my kitchen…" Tony furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head remembering that. 

"Oh my god, what? Are you saying I'm that weird?" Peter giggled out of embarrassment, digging his face into the cushion. 

"Nooo, that's not what I'm saying," Tony chuckled in reply, noticing he was yet to move his hand. Peter's hand was still under it, not moving, which he thought was a little weird. 

"I'm just saying… unlike that weirdo. It's really nice that you care about me that much."

Peter stared up at him, "Surely other's care about you this much? I mean… Pepper, Rhodey, Bruce… your parents when they were here?"

The older man breathed in deeply, clenching his jaw. He let his eyes glaze over as he looked to the side, thinking about the different people in his life. He slowly shook his head. 

"No Pete," he said in a weak voice. "I seem to mean more to you than anyone in my entire life." 

"Then they're idiots." Peter replied matter of factly. 

The billionaire couldn't quite grasp why everything was this way, why the younger man would put his life on the line for him when literal family members never did. Pepper wouldn't even go as far as Peter did. Even when she was around, Peter was the one checking to make sure he was eating and sleeping. Peter was the one who kept him on track, remembered things he had told him. 

"I don't get it… why do you care? Peter, I'm a middle aged broken man, who's not related to you in the slightest. You didn't even think I liked you… but here you are at two thirty in the morning, just to check if I'm okay." Tony mused with confusion in his soft spoken tone.

Peter licked his bottom lip as he ruffled his hair slowly, leaning back against his hand as he thought about the right words to use in a reply. He spoke slowly and quietly, each word said with such conviction. 

"Mr. Stark, you're… you're the best person I know. I look up to you, I always have. You're my hero… and when you came into my life… god, Mr. Stark, things got so complicated. But you kept me safe, and I felt stronger just being around you." 

He noticed that the older man had a strange look on his face, one that he'd never seen before. He couldn't quite place it, it was sort of like he was… touched? 

"Do you think I'm a good person?" Tony answered dryly. 

Peter nodded. "Yes. Very." He answered straight away. "You've made some bad decisions, and had some really shitty times… but Mr. Stark, your heart is bigger than mine."

The older man closed his eyes and half smiled, rubbing his hair and breathing in. "Nothing is bigger than your heart, kid." He opened his eyes again. "You love more than anyone ever has."

"I'm just more open about it." Peter told him, "You're closed off. But you care… don't you? You have a heart like no one elses. I just wish I could find a way to make you believe how good you are… Mr. Stark, you sacrificed yourself for everyone!"

Peter watched as Tony's eyes got a little watery, staring into space instead of at him. He wondered what the older man was thinking, whether he was wishing him away or thinking about what he said. 

"I'm not a good person." Tony spoke up. "Peter, you have no idea some of the things I've done."

"I know some of it. I know everything google knows, and everything Friday, Happy and Cap knows, and I still think you're wonderful." He explained. "But those things are just things that you've done, they're not who you are, who you are is right now, away from tensions and stimulants. You're broken, you're tired, and you care so fucking much."

Tony stared at him, again, his expression was extremely hard to read. He looked at him with such an intensity, that Peter started to worry he had said something incredibly wrong.

The older man squeezed his hand slightly, "You see me." Was all he said before falling silent again.

"I do." Peter confirmed. "I see every part of you and I haven't left yet." 

Tony continued to stare, "Why?"

"Because you matter to me." Peter spoke as if it was a well known fact and he was confused that Tony even had to ask. "You taught me everything, you helped me through everything. I wouldn't be me if it weren't for you."

"You did all that on your own." Tony whispered. "There was no way I can take credit for the man you've become."

Peter blushed, looking away and smiling. That was probably the nicest fucking thing his mentor had ever said to him, and he wasn't going to ever forget it. 

"Credit where credit is due, sir." 

Tony smiled and finally looked back at him, staring into those eyes that held so much admiration for him. "I can't lose you again." 

Peter's heart felt like it had just shattered, what a hell of a thing to say. Until tonight he didn't realise how much his existence was actually worth something in his mentor's eyes… but here they are.

"I'm sure it'll be worse for me." Peter spoke quietly. "Losing you was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. And I lost my parents and my uncle."

"Don't say that." Tony told him sternly. "That's not true."

"It is!' Peter exclaimed, "Why the hell would I lie? To you?" He moved his free hand in the air to exaggerate his point. 

"I can't be that important, kid. I just can't be! I'm… I'm not worth spending your nights crying over. If I end up leaving again, I don't know what that'll leave behind."

Peter's face dropped, his eyes immediately welling up. "You… you're leaving again?"

"No! I'm saying if I leave." Tony explained, "I don't want you to be broken up over it."

"I'm gonna chalk that up to tiredness, because there is NO way that you actually believe I'm going to back off and care less about you. Mr. Stark, if you die again, I die too!" He spoke out in agitation.

That made the older man squeezed his hand again, looking at him worriedly with a range of emotions showing through his expression. "That's how I feel about you." He whispered. "Not even my divorce hurt me as much as you dying did."

Peter blinked and a tear slid down the side of his face, he didn't understand how Tony could feel the same way about him. "Really?" He asked softly as he let himself take a small chance, turning over is hand very slowly until his palm was touching Tony's. He heard the older man's breath hitch as he did so.

Tony nodded. "Really," he replied, "You… you don't even realise how important you are to me, kid. I mean, if anyone else called me tonight, even if it was Rhodey, I would have ignored it. And yet here you are, on my sofa, at three in the morning, holding my fucking hand." He watched as Peter smiled, looking back to their hands. 

Somehow they managed to entwine their fingers without realising it. Peter's stomach twisted with nerves as he looked down, not really knowing what was happening. 

Tony had no clue where they were going with this either, to be perfectly honest he had planned to be asleep right now and he was too exhausted to put his mind to work and think, so they just let it happen.

"I wouldn't call anyone else crying to make sure they were okay," Peter confessed. "I just had to hear your voice… I guess I find it comforting."

"Yeah?" Tony raised an eyebrow. 

Peter scootched a little closer, they were only an inch away from having their bodies touching. He kept an eye on their hands between them as he pulled his blanket over his legs, curling them up on the couch.

"Yeah… I sort of… when you were gone I took all the audio I could find online and put it into one file. I would fall asleep listening to your voice." His face turned red with embarrassment, bowing his head in the shame of admitting such a thing.

The older man was touched, more touched than he thought he could be. The very idea that even when he was gone, he was looking after the younger man made his heart feel a little better. As his arm lay on the back of the sofa, his hand was sitting by Peter's head. He let a finger gently raise up and stroke the brown curls closest to him.

Peter smiled and looked up at him with a soft expression. "Does that make you feel weird that I did that?"

"No," Tony whispered. "I quite like it actually. I want you to know…" he swallowed before carrying on, this was a hard thing to say. "I'll never really leave you."

Peter furrowed his brows. "What do you mean, Sir?"

"If I disappear tomorrow, I've put everything in your name. You get the company, my fortune, the penthouse… the suit." 

The younger man's mouth dropped open, he was shocked, surprised, and fucking confused. "Me?! Why me?! Mr. Stark… that's so… that's so fucking nice, I don't deserve it but I'm so… that's amazing!" His emotions were all over the place, not knowing exactly how to react.

Stark grinned as he watched the younger man's staggered reaction. "You deserve it. There's no one else who understands any of it as much as me, except for you." 

"But you're not ever going to leave me again, right? I mean, yeah it would be cool to be you… but I'd rather have you in my life than have your life." Peter told him seriously, shifting a little closer again, his knees touching the side of the older man's legs. 

"You'd rather this grumpy old man keeps living than get to be a billionaire… Iron Man… owner of Stark Industries?" Tony wetted his lips.

"Hands down." Peter said quietly. "Does that make me mad?"

The older man shook his head, "No." He whispered hoarsely. "It makes you my favourite person." 

"I wish you knew how much you are loved." Peter spoke honestly, grabbing Tony's attention. "I wish you had more people in your life that would die defending your name, because I would, Mr. Stark. I'd… I'd do anything for you." 

Tony's fingers moved to the side of Peter's face, stroking it slightly, noticing how the younger man seemed rather confused and nervous. "Mr. Stark?" He asked in a whisper as if to say; What are you doing?

The older man didn't have an answer, his eyes were studying the younger man's face. "I don't know," he replied in the same tone.

Peter breathed in and let it happen, closing his eyes to let himself feel being softly caressed. It felt really nice, really strangely comforting. "You make me feel safe." 

Tony's lips curved into a warm smile, "I like making you feel safe." He tilted his head and watched Peter's face. He looked so peaceful and happy.

The younger man opened his eyes and noticed how close they were, Tony's eyes were staring deep into his soul. He began to get nervous, staring back at him. Tony's hand sat on Peter's jaw now, holding it so gently. 

"I'm not sure what's happening." Tony admitted in just above a whisper. 

"Me neither… but I like it."

Thank god. "Me too." Tony told him. "When you were gone… I felt so numb without you." He admitted, clenching his jaw. 

Peter nodded, "I felt the same. I was like a zombie. Nothing mattered because you were gone. I felt nothing." His voice was sincere as he continued to explain his loss. "I just thought about you."

"And I, you." Tony spoke softly. "I have this overwhelming urge to kiss you, Peter."

The younger man took a deep breath in. "What's stopping you?"

"I'm scared." 

"So am I." Peter confessed in a whisper. "I'm terrified. Kiss me."

The older man began to slowly move in towards him, his eyes staying on Peter's beautiful hazel ones as he entered his space. Both of them were petrified, not sure how they felt, but they knew this felt right. 

Peter's breath hitched when their noses touched, his eyes closing over as he could feel his mentors breath against his. They weren't even touching yet and Peter was melting, his free hand moving to sit on Tony's perfect chest. 

Tony tilted his head, touching their lips together. The moment they touched, everything suddenly made sense to both of them. It was like an on switch inside their hearts and souls, pressing play on the greatest love of their lives. 

Peter kissed him slowly, dragging out each movement as they tantalised each other, drawing out slow and sweet moans. Tony was an amazing kisser, each stroke of his lips making Peter's mind go crazy with a new wave of feelings. 

The older man held him closer, his hand sliding around his waist, opening up the kiss slowly and slipping his tongue into his interns mouth. Peter groaned in the most sensuous way as he accepted it, fingers tightening in his shirt. 

Tony couldn't believe he waited this long in life to feel what he was feeling, his entire mind was blank but his heart was beating faster than ever before. Peter tasted amazing, and what made it more perfect was that this meant as much to him as it did to Tony.

Peter's hand slid up around him, the other hand untangling from his and joining his other one at the back of Tony's neck. With his now freed hand, Tony held the other side of Peter's waist. 

"Mmmmm," Peter moaned into it, pulling back with his eyes closed and the most satisfied grin on his little rosey face. "We should do that all the time." He whispered, opening his eyes to see Tony's.

"Stay the night with me?" Tony asked him nervously. "Kiss me until the sun comes up?"

Peter bit down on his bottom lip and nodded, "I thought you'd never ask."

**Author's Note:**

> Is it effect or affect? I think I got it right but let me know if I don't!


End file.
